Hear My Heart

It's been dark, Friends.  I'm not going to lie.  This chemo thing is getting a little bit tougher every time.  The cumulative effects of the meds are taking a toll on this girl's body.  But, it's also doing it's job.  And, the good news is.....the good news always is, Jesus.  He's alive and working hard on my behalf. He's working out my healing.  He's working out things on your behalf too! Whatever your battle is, He's fighting it.  Let go.  Be still.

So easy, right?  Wrong.  As my body becomes weaker, it seems like Satan just wants to play.  I'm weary of not feeling well.  Comparing myself to that other gal who seems to be enduring her chemo so much better.  Crabby, hungry, unable to eat.  Worried.  Tired.  So many lies and taunts from the one who Loses.  Every.  Time!!  Consistent with my nature, I put up a brave face and wear myself down.  I let it catch up.  I give in to the taunts. But only for a moment.

God rescues me even from this.  He knows me so well,  He knows you the same--Psalm 139:1-18

Lord, you have examined me

    and know all about me.

 

You know when I sit down and when I get up.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.

 

You know where I go and where I lie down.

    You know everything I do.

 

Lord, even before I say a word,

    you already know it.

You are all around me—in front and in back—

    and have put your hand on me.

 

Your knowledge is amazing to me;

    it is more than I can understand.

Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?

    Where can I run from you?

 

If I go up to the heavens, you are there.

    If I lie down in the grave, you are there.

 

If I rise with the sun in the east

    and settle in the west beyond the sea,

 

even there you would guide me.

    With your right hand you would hold me.

I could say, “The darkness will hide me.

    Let the light around me turn into night.”

 

But even the darkness is not dark to you.

    The night is as light as the day;

    darkness and light are the same to you.

You made my whole being;

    you formed me in my mother’s body.

 

I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.

    What you have done is wonderful.

    I know this very well.

 

You saw my bones being formed

    as I took shape in my mother’s body.

When I was put together there,

 

you saw my body as it was formed.

All the days planned for me

    were written in your book

    before I was one day old.

God, your thoughts are precious to me.

    They are so many!

 

If I could count them,

    they would be more than all the grains of sand.

When I wake up,

    I am still with you.

Even before I think it.  He is in front of me and behind me.  How amazing is that??  So, prepared by knowing the thoughts I think, my God has once again placed angels around me and shown me the consistent love He has for me as others have ministered to my soul and continue to buffer me for this battle.  I see the Light.  The light is the kind lady at Target, the sweet friends who have brought meals, the prayers that surround me, the beauty of flowers, the kind words contained in the cards I receive.  It seems when I am at my end, someone, something, in His perfect timing reminds me of the truths I know and will trust in.  The end will come and chemo will be over. I can do this!  You can face your battle too. Remember, He works all for good.  Even in the darkest hour, He is weaving the pieces for good. We just have a hard time recognizing the good when we are walking through the hardest parts.  Sometimes, we just need the shift from worries of this world to the bigger heavenly picture for it all to make sense.  Trust me when I say, I'm getting the point.  I hope you are too.

When things get the toughest, I art and/or pray.  And, sometimes both.  Today, I'm sharing bullet journal art I created to pour out all of my prayer requests---sometimes I just get so sick of me and it helps to do something tangible to focus on others.  I'd love to focus on you so, please feel free to share your prayer requests!

To decorate my layout, I've used images from Sweet N Sassy Stamps:  Women of Worship, Grunge Elements 2 and Chunky Alphabet and my favorite, Distress Inks from Ranger.  I couldn't craft without them! We are celebrating 11 years of God's grace over at Sweet N Sassy Stamps--be sure to be part of the fun!

I pray your day will be blessed and that you will feel the loving arms of your Lord all around you---front and back!

In Him, Jane 

I got crafty with: